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Monday, May 31, 2010

Wing•Stop? More like WIN•Stop.


Internet, I'll be blunt.

I recently had chicken wings so delicious I almost vomited on the face of the person next to me out of pure happiness.

If you are able to somehow find some reason in the borderline ludicrous sentence I just wrote, I suggest you further use your brain by opening Google Maps, finding the directions to the nearest WingStop and driving there at near life-threatening speeds.

WingStop served me, almost without question, the best wings I've ever had in my life. It's odd to say that a chain restaurant is capable of serving something above average, but it's also odd to say that porcupines float in water. But guess what. THEY F*CKING DO.

What separates WingStop (not to be confused with Wing Street, a creature of Pizza Hut's dastardly schemes) from other bullshit is the choices. Sure the chicken is quality goddamn chicken, but when you go get wings, your choices usually amount to buffalo or or grilled.

WELL WINGSTOP JUST DOESN'T STAND FOR THAT SHIT.

You begin your adventure of choices by choosing what type of chicken you will be eating. Boneless, strips, or original. Personally I think boneless chicken wings are the Powers Above's gift to man, right under Rachel McAdams and Hulu.

Once you've chosen your paintbrush, it's time to choose what you're painting on. You can order 9 different flavors of wings.
9 MOTHERF*CKING FLAVORS. They are as follows:

• ATOMIC
• CAJUN
• ORIGINAL HOT
• MILD
• HICKORY SMOKED BBQ
• LEMON PEPPER
• GARLIC PARMESAN
• HAWAIIAN
• TERIYAKI

Just reading those flavors gives me a huge -- ehem, what?

You also have the option of splitting your order into two flavors. I, for example, got a ten piece boneless wings with 5 Cajun and 5 Lemon Pepper. (Fun fact - I won at life) The Cajun came smothered in spices and Louisiana hot sauce so good it would have made both of Russell Crowe's eyes look the same direction. The Lemon Pepper actually tasted like lemon. And pepper.

But the extravaganza of flavor doesn't stop there! And then, the next minute as if by Gypsy magicks you have the option of dipping sauces leaping out before your startled imagination.

I got the BBQ sauce and the Honey Mustard. Now I know what you're thinking. You're probably like, "Honey Mustard is aight." And you would be correct to say that,
ANYWHERE BUT WINGSTOP. YOU SAY THAT SHIT AT WINGSTOP AND YOU GET DRAWN AND QUARTERED. BAM. JUST LIKE THAT.

This is, without a doubt, the best Honey Mustard dipping sauce in the history of forever. If you were to offer me a night on the town with Angelina Jolie or that Honey Mustard, I'd punch Jolie in the face and make love to that sauce all night.

Internet, I'm about to lay down a fact.

You shouldn't be here reading this right now. You should be at WingStop trying not to cry.

1 comment:

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